One for the crapper

Today sucks!!

First of all, I went to see D's Baroque music concert yesterday. It was good to see him but I didn't get much from him. Granted, he was "working" and thinking about his performance, there were other people around, and maybe he was unnerved at having his spheres come together. Even talking afterwards, he didn't say much about wanting to see me. He is busy and has other things on his mind, surely...I must remember this. Still, its hard when I don't get an email from him, currently our only method of contact while he is in this workshop. I always get a bit depressed when I don't hear from him because I have to wait another day until I get the chance again. I also don't fully understand why he hasn't ever invited me out after they get done for the day. I need to quit focusing on all of these things and just wait until this is over and I can talk to him again.

Secondly, I got an email today that the woman in Vienna is doing exactly what I want for my dissertation on US. A total blow. I knew she was working on him so this really isn't any surprise. EW says that my dissertation will be different and more interested in the "big picture" than her's is. Still...I don't want to tread on her territory, but also, I have been working on him as well for several years, and have my own rights to work on him. I will have to change my tactics if US is going to be part of my dissertation, and I will try to ask different questions, but right now, it is hard to see that.

I also talked to J for a long time last night....he is hard to talk to considering everything that is going on in his life and it is just draining to listen to. I don't feel the need to intervene anymore, which is good, but it is still hard to listen.

Today has just worn me down. I need a drink...or several.