So has ended the first week of my second year of PhD. I am so not excited about this semester and don't have any motivation or energy to do anything. This is not good and I hope that it goes away soon. ASC's seminar was bizarre this week but probably only because it was the first week and he was tired from jetlag. Margaret of Austria is probably going to be interesting but I don't have much of an opinion of EMK yet.
DDB came over last night to show me his new BR pants.....then we did other things while his pants were off. I finally realized that he is rather immature--emotionally really more so than anything else--which probably explains a lot. He is a great guy but not for me. That realization made me let go of the last bit of hope that I was holding onto that there would be more between us. I was rather sad last night. I was fixated on what I wanted him to be rather than what he was; or maybe I thought he would change or I could change him, which we all know never works out.
R and C both tell me to stop screwing around with him, which is the best advice, which is also the hardest to take. It doesn't really do any harm for us to have some fun, now that I know I am not holding onto some feelings for him. We need to do things as friends and not just fuck buddies, because I know neither of us want this to turn into that.
I guess we can only wait to see how the friendship develops when we are just friends.
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