Socializing

Since moving to Toronto I have been used to being pretty much on my own. It takes a while to make friends, and I think it is even worse in grad school because motives and lives are so different here. I am glad that I am in this dorm for the time being as there are always people around and we see each other at meals, so it is like being surrounded by a family...an odd family, but a family.

I never look forward to the weekends as they seem like so much time with nothing to do but be alone. Granted, I have a lot of reading and work to do, but there are times when you just want to sit and talk to someone uninvolved in what you are doing. I was excited this weekend because one of the other grad students here was going to drive me to IKEA to buy sheets for my bed. It was tons of fun and we ended up going to a mall to try to find her a wallet. She is totally cool but sadly leaving in December. I was prepared for this to be the excitement of my weekend and the rest of the weekend filled with a whole lot of nothing. Then, after IKEA the woman I TA with called to invite me over to her house for dinner. Yay! A social invitation. It was nice, again, to get out and see people outside of school. It was also nice not to eat in the cafeteria.

Sunday morning I got up and was on my way to Starbucks when I ran into another grad student who invited me to breakfast. Breakfast turned into a trip to the bookstore. Then I was to meet this gay undergrad who works in the department for coffee at 3pm. The coffee at 3pm evolved into shoe shopping at the downtown mall, afterwhich we got caught in the rain while walking back to campus. If I were sexually attracted to him this would have been quite romantic and/or pornographic, but alas, he is far too physically reminiscent of two other people in my life and that just works against him. If that weren't bad enough, I brought him back to my room to dry off where we ended up talking for 4 more hours. It was 10pm and we realized we never ate dinner and were hungry, so went to find something to eat. Basically, it was an 8-hour coffee.

I didn't get a damn thing done this weekend...none of the reading or work that I needed, but somehow spending the time being social and having the semblance of friends in this new city was probably much better for me than reading would have been. Now I have a lot of reading and catching up to do. Oh well....its worth it.

A Moving Experience

On Monday, 4 September I moved from Dallas, TX to Toronto, ON, Canada to begin my PhD in Art History at the University of Toronto. This is a fantastic school and incredible program and really the best place for me; however, a move like this is also full of doubts, anxiety, fears, and lonliness. I left behind all of my friends and family to move to a (foreign) city where I know no one. Thankfully, through a friend of a friend I have a place to stay temporarily and someone who has taken great care of me and getting me settled in a new city. I still need to find a permanent place to live, though, and the two places I have looked at so far have are not going to work out. I am waiting to hear back from two others and am also applying to one of the dorms on campus. The dorm might be the best deal for me right now as I get used to the new city and find a better place to live for my remaining time here.

This is my first weekend here and the absense of my normal weekend routine is definitly felt. I longed for the time when I wouldn't have that routine, but now that it is gone I do miss it and feel rather lost without it. I need to find a new structure and routine to become accustomed to. Once classes start on Monday I am sure I will find it as then I will have loads of work to do to fill the idle hours. Once classes start I will also meet more people and hopefully develop some friendships that will serve me well here.

When I am busy I don't think about missing my friends and family so much but when I have little to do it seems like they are all that I think about. The lack of their presense in my daily life is greatly felt, even though, email and IM chats make up for a lot. In some ways I don't feel so far away because in many ways we can be in constant contact, but its the ability to see someone at a moment's notice that is so different. No longer can I meet my best friend for coffee or just to watch a movie. I know the relationship is still there, and will be for a very long time, but its the daily presense in my life that I miss. Once my time here is filled with schoolwork I won't have as much time to dwell on what I am lacking, and I hope I will develop some friendships that will help ease the loneliness. I need to make the most of this new adventure and phase of my life and not look back on it with any regrets.