What difference does age make?

A continuation of the 'Mis-Communication' post on 11 July...

The reason J was upset was that he found out his daughter was pregnant. A lot for a father to take. Now it is all understandable. Granted, he was a father at her age...a father of two kids, mind you. I am sure he wanted a different future for his kids than what he had, but kids also make their own choices no matter what a parent might say or do.

Anyway, J's daughter is now living with him, as will his grandchild be in 6 months. A disconcerting thought. He is not even 40...a father of 2 college-age students, and soon to be a grandfather. He was worried about telling me because he didn't know how I would react to his being a grandfather. It is a little odd to think about but it doesn't change who he is...and that is the man that I like and care about. So I am dating a grandfather...big deal.

I don't know where I expect this relationship to go. I am moving to Toronto in 2 weeks, at which point the personal relationship can't really grow anymore. He isn't moving to Toronto and I will be there for 5 years, and who knows where after that. I never expected this relationship to be permanent (I think) but also the realization that this man will soon have to help is young daughter take care of a baby changes things. She won't go anywhere as long as J is helping her with the kid and he wouldn't let her I am sure...I will be in Canada, so what does it really matter. I saw the look in his eyes that his life was over...what he planned and wanted to do would be put on hold again while he took care of his family. I know he doesn't regret any of it, but I wish he could have the life that he wants. It seems like everything he tries to do to change and do something new with his life is halted or changed by elements (more-or-less) outside of his control.

As I am leaving to seek out what I want I feel a bit guilty that my friends can't do the same thing. I know it isn't my fault or anything that I should be ashamed of, but still...they deserve some good opportunities, too.

They say change is good

Relationships change; this is a fact of life, which doesn't make it any easier to accept or deal with.

I am moving to another country in 4 weeks (actually, its closer to 3 now) so ALL of my relationships are going to change. I am leaving behind some of the greatest friends I have ever had, including my best friend, C, who is so much more than what those words can merely describe, and J, a man who I think I could fall in love with if our lives were more in sync. My moving is not going to change the way I feel about these people; however, the fact that we won't be able to see each other as we are used to doing, that we can't just meet for coffee or a movie whenever we want, that we can't be there for each other when things are getting rough does change the relationship. C will always be one of the most important people in my life no matter what directions each of our lives go in, and J is always going to have a special place in my heart and I may always wonder 'what if' with regard to our relationship.

I can only be glad and greatful that these two men and many other friends came into my life and are in it now, whether they like it or not. I will see them again...just not on the weekly or daily basis as I am accumstomed to doing.

Friendships aren't created because of mere proximity, nor are they forgotten through distance. No one knows what the future may hold or where any of us might end up, but I know that my friends will always be with me in my heart...where they couldn't be nearer to me.